Updates

OK so.....I got a call on a job that I had applied for ......it is apartment cleaning....it is approximately $20an hour after I am officially hired on which hopefully will be very soon....Things are definitely looking up as far as job hunting goes...

I called an old friend of mine ..I am gonna change his name due to certain circumstances.....We use to work together and he could possibly get into trouble but any way we will call him......Jeff......
Jeff and I talked for about an hour........I miss talking to him......I hate that things are the way they are....See he loves me (I know, I know that should be a good thing ) I love him too....the problem is I don't really feel the way you should about some-one that you want to be in a relationship with.......Though I do care for him deeper than I know how to explain...I would never purposely cause him pain of any sort.....I did once ask advice on our relationship once but I never gave details like his job or name....I did how ever mention his age and that we had known each other for quite some time....and the advice that I was given truly disturbed me ( I no longer talk to the person ) ....She told me I should just marry him and take advantage of him until he passes away and that I would still be young and I could have a life after that........

Like I said the advice was rude ...and I never spoke to that person again..... Jeff is really sweet although like most men he is mildly perverted ...but he has always been there to support me when I needed a friend to keep me level headed...It makes me sad that I have to hurt him to be honest with him.....but I just can't give him some pretty lie to make him feel better cause in the long road lying is worse..........

I also have continued talking to Adam........I still like him as much if not more than I did in high school .....We have a geographical issue anyway I am fairly certain that we are doomed to be friends who love each other from a distance....I guess in a way I hope not but only time will tell.......He is suppose to be in Georgia next week though he says he does not know when or where exactly.....I want to visit him while he is so close but I get this feeling that he really doesn't want me to come up there...so unless he brings it up I think I will just drop the issue......I'd rather be forever as his friend than to never talk to him again because I am hurt.....

I tried to get a hold of my "other mother" yesterday but she didn't answer the phone so ended up yet again with out advice.......I am not mad I just feel slightly abandoned.....Truth is I am the one who kinda disappeared for awhile......so in theory it's my fault.......

I have also been trying to get a hold of my friend Justin but he seems to have pulled a me and disappeared........but maybe eventually I will find him again.......